Yes, I am Bulimic

I usually only tell people that I'm anorexic because I feel as if I have concurred my bulimia. I was quite wrong.

Back in Russia I would starve myself on some days and on others I would binge horribly. After I binged, I would lock myself in the bathroom and purge my guts out. The acidic feeling in my throat hurt so much but at the same time it felt so good. I was getting rid of the food in my belly. At the time my parents did not know what to do. They thought it was a phase.

When I moved to Canada, I promised myself that I would not starve or binge ever again. I guess I succeed in that sense. I gained thirty pounds and finally began to look healthy. But that all changed in the summer of 2012. I felt as if I was too fat so I began to restrict my diet. Before I knew it I went back to my anorexic ways. I never purged until a few days ago. I went on a horrible binge. I ate an entire medium sized pizza. I just couldn't stop myself from eating. It was disgusting. Afterwards, I locked myself in the bathroom and stuck my finger down my throat. It felt good.

I never want to purge again but I probably will in the near future. I haven't been on a huge binge since then but I am still scared. I hate myself for purging yet I also love to purge. Eating disorders honestly make no sense.