I get asked a lot of the same questions so I felt like I should make a quick questions and answers post. So here it goes!
How old are you?
14. I turn 15 in October.
How tall are you?
5'6. I know I told a lot of people that I was 5'5 but I grew! But I'm still short...
Do you live in Russia?
Once upon a time I did. Then I moved to Canada.
Where in Canada do you live?
Ontario.
Are you straight?
Yes.
What do you look for in a girl?
She has to be a good person inside. Oh, and she needs to like hockey))))
Do you have a girlfriend?
Yes. We have been dating for almost two years now.
How did your eating disorder start?
I made a post about it!!! Right here.
Do you speak Russian?
да.
Ask me more questions on Ask.fm!!!
May 04, 2013
April 29, 2013
Autobiography
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| Cover |
I want to say that this was very hard for me to write. I've always kept my past life a secret and now it's out there, on the internet, for anyone and everyone to read. My life is filled with pain and struggle but at the same time hope and happiness. What doesn't kill me always makes me stronger at the end.
I decided to write this mainly because I was bored but also to tell people who have endured the same thing that it does get better. One day, everything will work out. I promise you that.
Here are some excerpts:
Perfect.
It is a word that haunts me. Memories of my past quickly flood my mind when it is spoken. All I wanted was to be perfect. I did anything and everything to achieve that. I didn't care about the consequences, all that mattered was that I was perfect.
So many people called me that. Now and then. On the outside, I might look that way but on the inside, I am the exact opposite. On the inside I am an emotional train wreck. Horrible mood swings, uncontrollable urges to drink, throwing up what I eat, are all part of my perfection.
I am perfectly imperfect. (Prologue)
XXX
“We want an abortion!” suddenly yelled Alex.
“An abortion?” questioned Golovkin. For someone who had sounded so confused, they seemed to be quite confident in their decision.
“Yes...” whispered Lucya. (March 30, 1998)
Smile)))))
If someone saw a guy in chicken suit today it was meToday I set out on a mission; a mission to make people smile. These days, not enough people smile. So what says smile and be happy like dressing up as a giant chicken!
— ana's boy (@RussianAnorexic) April 28, 2013
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| Sexy chicken. |
I was at my friend's house and we were both bored. So I decided to do something crazy. I thought for a second and the thought of dressing up as a chicken came up. I asked a couple of people and they all answered "yes!". So I got dressed. Me friend chickened out and didn't go. I was not drunk!!
Should I go to McDonald's dressed ad a chicken?The first stop was McDonald's. What? It was funny. During the walk there, a ton of people honked and waved at me and some just gave me weird looks asking me if I was drunk. Awesome.
— ana's boy (@RussianAnorexic) April 28, 2013
I just saw a guy walking down the street in a chicken suit...So I went to McDonald's walked around and left. Next stop...the MALL!!! The mall was a little crappy. Long story short, I got kicked out. Fucking security. Well, I went into the store, Target and walked around.
— Willson Smith (@modfox) April 28, 2013
Not sure why there is a chicken walking around target but there is...? #thehell?I then proceeded to walk around the actual mall. Some people took pictures of me while others just laughed and ran away. That's when security kicked me out. Yeah they actually gave me no reason. I'll do a post about that.
— Sandra Johnston (@sandralea15) April 28, 2013
I then continued to walk aimlessly, waving at random people. I went to a book store, pet store, grocery store and a sports store. It was awesome!!! Here are some hilarious reactions I found on Twitter:
In Starbucks. Look to my left.Person in a chicken suit standing there. My 1st question: Is anybody else seeing this? #insaneinthemembrane
— Nina Bozzo (@Xeenee3) April 28, 2013
Just saw a guy in a chicken suit sitting at the grocery store... #strange #chickens
— Keeley Baker (@KeeleyBaker2) April 28, 2013
Just saw a chicken crossing the road. Day=madeThere's probably more but I'm lazy and I don't feel like looking for them.
— Matt Powell (@phatmatt13) April 28, 2013
Well, I hope you smiled)))))
April 28, 2013
How did my Eating Disorder Start?
I've been asking myself this question for so long. How did my ED start? Did someone say something? Was it because of my biological parents? The police?
I don't know.
I don't know how my eating disorder started or why it did. This has been driving me insane not knowing the answer. Most doctors think that my ED is related to my upbringing. I was abused (physically and emotionally) and neglected as a child. By the age of seven, I was on the streets. I eventually was put into an orphanage. All I wanted was control. I couldn't control anything else in my life but my body. So that's what I did.
That's the doctor's theory. Whether it's true or now, I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know how my eating disorder started or why it did. This has been driving me insane not knowing the answer. Most doctors think that my ED is related to my upbringing. I was abused (physically and emotionally) and neglected as a child. By the age of seven, I was on the streets. I eventually was put into an orphanage. All I wanted was control. I couldn't control anything else in my life but my body. So that's what I did.
That's the doctor's theory. Whether it's true or now, I don't know.
Vladimir Really Does like Vodka
Last night I decided to do something incredibly stupid. I drank a whole bottle of vodka. God I have a bad hangover today. If you were on twitter last night, you probably saw a few of my drunk tweets.
Well after I surpassed my daily limit of tweets, I decided to continue talking to people through DM and other sites (FanFiction.net). It did not turn out well. My messages made absolutely no sense and some of them were a little offensive. Sorry about that.
Oh, than after I finished drinking, I thought of the great idea of rollerblading! God I was drunk. So I grabbed my hockey helmet and laced up the skates. I skated for about two minutes before I decided to do something even more stupid; skate as fast as I can and then stop. Mind you I can ice skate but not rollerblade. I picked up a lot of speed then I realized something; I didn't know how to stop. Uh-oh. I panicked and decided a hockey stop was the best thing to do. Not my brightest moment. You actually can't do a hockey stop on rollerblades without falling. So, I ended up falling flat on my face and I badly skimmed my knee. Luckily my helmet had a cage so I didn't hurt my face!
So, I ended up spending the night at the hospital getting patched up. Not fun.
I just want to say, it was an eventful night! It was my first night out of the inpatient program and I was already back in hospital!
Go Vladimir!!!
dude I just fell doe. The stairs
— ana's boy (@RussianAnorexic) April 26, 2013
i wonder how chickens mate
— ana's boy (@RussianAnorexic) April 26, 2013
@skinnythinbones nightttt. my chickens will seing you a song
— ana's boy (@RussianAnorexic) April 26, 2013
i want to go snowboarding on grass
— ana's boy (@RussianAnorexic) April 26, 2013
“@russiananorexic: @jm_1d oh sorry. i just wanted to see how chickens mate. i thought this was google”Yah ur drunkYeah....
— 6lbs to go (@AnorexicFailure) April 26, 2013
Well after I surpassed my daily limit of tweets, I decided to continue talking to people through DM and other sites (FanFiction.net). It did not turn out well. My messages made absolutely no sense and some of them were a little offensive. Sorry about that.
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| Hockey stop on skates. |
Oh, than after I finished drinking, I thought of the great idea of rollerblading! God I was drunk. So I grabbed my hockey helmet and laced up the skates. I skated for about two minutes before I decided to do something even more stupid; skate as fast as I can and then stop. Mind you I can ice skate but not rollerblade. I picked up a lot of speed then I realized something; I didn't know how to stop. Uh-oh. I panicked and decided a hockey stop was the best thing to do. Not my brightest moment. You actually can't do a hockey stop on rollerblades without falling. So, I ended up falling flat on my face and I badly skimmed my knee. Luckily my helmet had a cage so I didn't hurt my face!
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| Hockey helmet with a cage. |
So, I ended up spending the night at the hospital getting patched up. Not fun.
I just want to say, it was an eventful night! It was my first night out of the inpatient program and I was already back in hospital!
Go Vladimir!!!
April 10, 2013
Inpatient Mode!!!
Yesterday at around 11:00 Eastern Time, I was in bed, chatting with awesome people on kik (RussianAnorexic) and Twitter when my heart started to race. Well, I know for a fact that I have a very weak heart, so I didn't take notice of it. Seven years of an eating disorder can do that to you. Then about ten minutes later, my chest began to hurt and I had trouble breathing. Uh-oh, that ain't good. I had no idea what was going on so I decided to ask on Twitter if I should tell my dad:
I am quiet happy that at the time, we weren't at my farm. Long story short, the farm is were my adoptive parents live and where I use to live but I moved away after a huge fight we had. Well that farm is about a two hour drive from the nearest hospital. Glad I wasn't there...
Well, me and my girlfriend got into the car and he drove us to the emergency room. By that time, my legs began to feel like jello and I was a little dizzy. I told the nurse what was going on and she immediately got me hooked up to a machine. Before I knew it, and IV was in my hand and hospital staff were swarming around me. They took my blood pressure, blood sugar and a ton of other things. They then told me I was having a heart attack. Great....
They injected a ton of stuff in my IV and began asking me some general questions. At that time, my GF's dad called my adoptive parents and told them what was going on. After I told the nurse I suffered from an eating disorder she immediately asked me for my height and weight. I told her them I could tell she was shocked.
Within two hours, my little brother, obviously worried about me, come running into the hospital hugging me. We talked a little before I fell asleep (it was around two/three in the morning).
I woke up to my GF's dad talking on the phone. After a little while he hung up and I asked him what it was about. What he told me almost gave me another heart attack. I was going to an inpatient program to help me recover.
Crap!
Don't make me go!!!!
I pleaded with him but after what I had just went through, he didn't budge. So now, I'm going to be flying down to Southern Ontario because apparently none of the clinics in Northern Ontario will accept me or the waiting list is to long.
Right now, we (GF, GF's dad, and I) are getting ready to go to the airport to catch our flight. I am not excited. Like not what so ever. I don't want to recover!!! Why can't you understand that!!????
I have no idea how long I am going to be away for meaning that I can't update my Twitter, blog or anything ((((((
I'm going to miss you.
Stay strong,
Vladimir Popov
Umm my heart is beating crazy fast, my chest like really hurts and I'm having trouble breathing? Should I tell my parents?All most all the responses were "YES!!!". So, I woke up my GF's dad (I live with them and he has legal custody over me) and told him what was going on. He immediately said he thought that I was having a heart attack. Most of you would probably be like that's ridiculous, fourteen year olds don't get heart attacks but last month I had one. The main reason for that was because of my weak heart but also because I had just drank a huge cup of coffee. But, it was still scary as hell. This time, I hadn't been drinking coffee. I had only been sipping on diet coke almost five hours ago.
— ana's boy (@RussianAnorexic) April 9, 2013
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| This is what caused my last heart attack. |
I am quiet happy that at the time, we weren't at my farm. Long story short, the farm is were my adoptive parents live and where I use to live but I moved away after a huge fight we had. Well that farm is about a two hour drive from the nearest hospital. Glad I wasn't there...
Well, me and my girlfriend got into the car and he drove us to the emergency room. By that time, my legs began to feel like jello and I was a little dizzy. I told the nurse what was going on and she immediately got me hooked up to a machine. Before I knew it, and IV was in my hand and hospital staff were swarming around me. They took my blood pressure, blood sugar and a ton of other things. They then told me I was having a heart attack. Great....
They injected a ton of stuff in my IV and began asking me some general questions. At that time, my GF's dad called my adoptive parents and told them what was going on. After I told the nurse I suffered from an eating disorder she immediately asked me for my height and weight. I told her them I could tell she was shocked.
Within two hours, my little brother, obviously worried about me, come running into the hospital hugging me. We talked a little before I fell asleep (it was around two/three in the morning).
I woke up to my GF's dad talking on the phone. After a little while he hung up and I asked him what it was about. What he told me almost gave me another heart attack. I was going to an inpatient program to help me recover.
Crap!Don't make me go!!!!
I pleaded with him but after what I had just went through, he didn't budge. So now, I'm going to be flying down to Southern Ontario because apparently none of the clinics in Northern Ontario will accept me or the waiting list is to long.
Right now, we (GF, GF's dad, and I) are getting ready to go to the airport to catch our flight. I am not excited. Like not what so ever. I don't want to recover!!! Why can't you understand that!!????
I have no idea how long I am going to be away for meaning that I can't update my Twitter, blog or anything ((((((
I'm going to miss you.
Stay strong,
Vladimir Popov
April 09, 2013
Это называется свобода слова!!!!!
Titled translates into "It's called freedom of speech!!!!!"
I am absolutely pissed off at Facebook. More than I was when I found out that my little brother drank all my Coke Zero and I was pissed at him. Well, I made a Facebook page (username RussianAnorexic) titled "Pro Ana" designed to help people who suffer from an eating disorder but do not wish to recover. Well it got about 80 likes before Facebook decided to be an ass and deleted it.
Well today I woke up and decided to check my email. I had about twelve emails from twitter. I quickly scanned through them before deleting them. Then I saw it. The email was titled "Facebook Warning". I thought maybe I did something wrong, like posting to many stats in one go but it wasn't like that. It was a notice about my Facebook page "Pro Ana". I didn't know what to think so I continued to read. Here are some direct quotes from the email:
"You are receiving this message because a friend is concerned about something you posted on Facebook."
None of my friends know about that page...
"Facebook is working with the National Eating Disorders Association to provide resources to our users and to support those struggling with eating disorders."
Well, deleting a page meant to support those who do not wish to recover is NOT supporting those struggling with eating disorders. So many pages post things that say that you must recover. I disagree with these pages. Recovery is a personal choice and not something to be forced upon. You are not supporting anyone by saying that you must recover.
In some sense, I understand what they were doing. Probably over 75% of the people on that page were wannorexics. Mind you that I do not hate wannorexics for their thinking, I hate them for posting stuff onto sites meant for people actually struggling with an eating disorder. Honestly, I wanted to scream at them. I really did. It was ridiculous the things they were posting. I don't have any screen shots but I do remember some stuff.
Most messages that I got went along the lines of this:
"Hey I just started with Ana. Can you give me some tips?"
First off, you can't just start with anorexia. Second, if you are actually anorexic, you wouldn't be asking for tips. I didn't even know about the anorexic community on the internet until like last year and I've suffered from an eating disorder for seven years!! For all that time, I knew all the common "tips" that people posted.
In conclusion, I'm still pissed off that Facebook does not allow freedom of speech. I live in Canada not North Korea! I have a voice! Will it be silenced? Never!!! During the Cold War I understand but that was over like twenty years ago! I am pissed and I will always be. So Twitter, you are better than Facebook.
I am absolutely pissed off at Facebook. More than I was when I found out that my little brother drank all my Coke Zero and I was pissed at him. Well, I made a Facebook page (username RussianAnorexic) titled "Pro Ana" designed to help people who suffer from an eating disorder but do not wish to recover. Well it got about 80 likes before Facebook decided to be an ass and deleted it.
Well today I woke up and decided to check my email. I had about twelve emails from twitter. I quickly scanned through them before deleting them. Then I saw it. The email was titled "Facebook Warning". I thought maybe I did something wrong, like posting to many stats in one go but it wasn't like that. It was a notice about my Facebook page "Pro Ana". I didn't know what to think so I continued to read. Here are some direct quotes from the email:
 |
| Yeah...no |
"You are receiving this message because a friend is concerned about something you posted on Facebook."
None of my friends know about that page...
"Facebook is working with the National Eating Disorders Association to provide resources to our users and to support those struggling with eating disorders."
Well, deleting a page meant to support those who do not wish to recover is NOT supporting those struggling with eating disorders. So many pages post things that say that you must recover. I disagree with these pages. Recovery is a personal choice and not something to be forced upon. You are not supporting anyone by saying that you must recover.
In some sense, I understand what they were doing. Probably over 75% of the people on that page were wannorexics. Mind you that I do not hate wannorexics for their thinking, I hate them for posting stuff onto sites meant for people actually struggling with an eating disorder. Honestly, I wanted to scream at them. I really did. It was ridiculous the things they were posting. I don't have any screen shots but I do remember some stuff.
Most messages that I got went along the lines of this:
"Hey I just started with Ana. Can you give me some tips?"
First off, you can't just start with anorexia. Second, if you are actually anorexic, you wouldn't be asking for tips. I didn't even know about the anorexic community on the internet until like last year and I've suffered from an eating disorder for seven years!! For all that time, I knew all the common "tips" that people posted.
In conclusion, I'm still pissed off that Facebook does not allow freedom of speech. I live in Canada not North Korea! I have a voice! Will it be silenced? Never!!! During the Cold War I understand but that was over like twenty years ago! I am pissed and I will always be. So Twitter, you are better than Facebook.
March 22, 2013
Yes, I am Bulimic
I usually only tell people that I'm anorexic because I feel as if I have concurred my bulimia. I was quite wrong.
Back in Russia I would starve myself on some days and on others I would binge horribly. After I binged, I would lock myself in the bathroom and purge my guts out. The acidic feeling in my throat hurt so much but at the same time it felt so good. I was getting rid of the food in my belly. At the time my parents did not know what to do. They thought it was a phase.
When I moved to Canada, I promised myself that I would not starve or binge ever again. I guess I succeed in that sense. I gained thirty pounds and finally began to look healthy. But that all changed in the summer of 2012. I felt as if I was too fat so I began to restrict my diet. Before I knew it I went back to my anorexic ways. I never purged until a few days ago. I went on a horrible binge. I ate an entire medium sized pizza. I just couldn't stop myself from eating. It was disgusting. Afterwards, I locked myself in the bathroom and stuck my finger down my throat. It felt good.
I never want to purge again but I probably will in the near future. I haven't been on a huge binge since then but I am still scared. I hate myself for purging yet I also love to purge. Eating disorders honestly make no sense.
Back in Russia I would starve myself on some days and on others I would binge horribly. After I binged, I would lock myself in the bathroom and purge my guts out. The acidic feeling in my throat hurt so much but at the same time it felt so good. I was getting rid of the food in my belly. At the time my parents did not know what to do. They thought it was a phase.
When I moved to Canada, I promised myself that I would not starve or binge ever again. I guess I succeed in that sense. I gained thirty pounds and finally began to look healthy. But that all changed in the summer of 2012. I felt as if I was too fat so I began to restrict my diet. Before I knew it I went back to my anorexic ways. I never purged until a few days ago. I went on a horrible binge. I ate an entire medium sized pizza. I just couldn't stop myself from eating. It was disgusting. Afterwards, I locked myself in the bathroom and stuck my finger down my throat. It felt good.
I never want to purge again but I probably will in the near future. I haven't been on a huge binge since then but I am still scared. I hate myself for purging yet I also love to purge. Eating disorders honestly make no sense.
March 18, 2013
I'm Not Perfect
I've received a lot of tweets on twitter and also something on Ask.fm pertaining to me being perfect. I am not perfect! I know that these people are completing me but I am not perfect. No one is. Everyone has problems. I am a messed up child if anything. So here is a list of things of why I am not perfect:
- My name is Vladimir. Yeah....
- I have a very thick Russian accent. It is quite hard to understand what I'm saying.
- I'm short. I'm 5'5. For a guy, that's short.
- I'm anorexic.
- I am bulimic.
- I have no muscles mostly because of my anorexia.
- I was abused as a child.
- I was bullied at school.
- I am bullied online.
- I'm adopted.
- I drink at least two bottles of vodka a week.
- I was a chain smoker.
- I sniffed glue.
- I suffer from ADHD.
- I suffer from OCD.
- If I continue with my anorexic tendencies I will be dead before 30.
- I spend at least 2 hours a day playing video games. NERD!!!
- I spend at least 4 hours on the internet every day.
- I swear a lot. Like A LOT.
- I hate my body.
- I have suicidal tendencies.
- I know nothing about American football. Like nothing!! I just found out what the NFL was....
- I cannot sing. Like my voice sounds horrible.
- I have no sense of fashion.
March 12, 2013
Major Changes to this Blog
Since creating my twitter account, I really wanted to create a blog about my battle with anorexia. Even before I moved to Canada, I have always struggled with my relationship with food and loving my body. Back in Russia I use to throw up every meal I ate. Some days I would eat up to 3000 calories in one go while other days I would starve myself. Either way, I threw up what was in my stomach. I absolutely hate my body. Where other people see bones I see fat. I just want to be happy with myself.
I am not pro anorexic but I am also not pro recovery. I am somewhere in-between. I desperately want to gain weight but at the same time I don't. It's really hard to explain but if you ask someone who suffers from an eating disorder, they will probably say the same thing.
My old blog was called rantingrussian.blogspot.ca. I have changed it to russiananorexic.blogspot.ca.
I am not pro anorexic but I am also not pro recovery. I am somewhere in-between. I desperately want to gain weight but at the same time I don't. It's really hard to explain but if you ask someone who suffers from an eating disorder, they will probably say the same thing.
My old blog was called rantingrussian.blogspot.ca. I have changed it to russiananorexic.blogspot.ca.